Lear

On October 19, 2003 I woke up at 4:30 AM, with a feeling that something wasn't right. I got up and went to the bathroom, and while I was sitting there, my water broke a little more than five weeks too soon. I called to Cory to tell him, and considering where I was sitting, and the fact that it was extremely early in the AM, he didn't believe me, and told me to come back to bed. I convinced him that I wasn't overreacting or dreaming, and we called the doctor, who told us that if my labor didn't start in the next 8 hours, I needed to come in to the hospital to be induced. 

I don't think anyone can sleep under those conditions. While we waited for some contractions, we tried calling our parents. Cory's parents were in Cedar City, and my mother was visiting her sisters in Washington DC (dad stayed home for that trip). We had to call 411 for Cory's aunt's phone number where his mother was staying, and we got my aunt's cell phone number in DC where my mother was staying from my father. My mother couldn't leave right away, but Launa got into the car as fast as she could to make the three hour drive from Cedar to SLC. When she arrived at around 9 AM, I was still not in labor.

At 10 we arrived at the hospital, and I was induced around noon. After nearly eight hours of labor which included three-minute contractions, a wonderful epidural, and two hours of pushing, I heard the most beautiful sound ever: Lear's tiny voice. Not one minute later I heard one of the scariest sounds ever: Cory saying, "Why is his ribcage caving in like that? Is that normal?" 

My little angel's ribcage collapsed, and all I can say is, thank God for modern medicine - and I say that in the most reverent manner possible. I sometimes wonder if he would have survived, had it been 1903 or 1803 instead of 2003. The nurse was wonderful. He said, "No, that is NOT normal, but we're taking care of it." We needed a confident answer, and we got one. Lear was in the NICU for 8 days, and they were the hardest 8 days of my life. I would leave the hospital to go home at night, and it was all I could do to keep from sobbing every time I saw another new mom leaving with her healthy baby. I tried to tell myself that I was lucky to be getting full nights of sleep, when most mothers with newborns were up all night with their babies, but I would have traded all the sleep in the world to have him in his cradle next to our bed. 

He cried constantly for the first three months, it took him almost two years to sleep all night, and potty training was a nightmare, but I love my little guy so much I am completely incapable of describing it. So, forgive me if I'm feeling a little emotional at his fifth birthday. I know that there are families that spent more time in the NICU, and that there are children with more physical and mental challenges than Lear, but I don't believe that lessens the significance of our experiences. We are grateful that it wasn't worse, and much, much more grateful that he is such a lively, sweet, smart, and healthy boy now. 

I love you, Lear. Happy birthday.