Lear's Mother's Day antics

How To Humiliate Your Mother On Mother's Day:

1. Make sure your sister is too tired to go to church, so you have to go alone with your mommy while daddy and your afore-mentioned sister stay home.

2. Lull your mommy into a false sense of security by being remarkably good during Sacrament Meeting, sitting quietly by yourself in the front row while your mommy is leading the music.

3. Sing a beautiful song to your mommy during a musical number with all the other children to celebrate Mother's Day.

Note to step #3: Be sure your mommy gets tears in her eyes during the song, because she's so thankful she's your mommy.

4. Start to get restless toward the end of the meeting, in order to manipulate her into suggesting that you come up with her to the stand while she directs the closing hymn.

5. Promise solemnly that you'll be reverent and sit still during the hymn.

6. Keep your promise for about 20 seconds.

7. Run around the stand like a crazy boy on Speed, behind the speaker's seats, the Bishopric's seats, weaving through the choir seats, climbing over rows of seats, and finally trying to sit on your head in the last choir row, all while your mommy's busy waving her arm around to the music.

Note to step #7: Be sure to avoid your mommy's awkward attempts to rein you in while conducting.

8. Allow yourself to be caught after the hymn is over, just in time to sit in your mommy's lap for the prayer.

Note to step #8: Kick your legs wildly during the prayer, just to add that final polishing touch.

You will be rewarded by a mommy who is trying not to break into tears while leading the music, and by the rare sight of her face turning as red as her shirt.

Lear quote of the week: "Maybe when I'm eighteen years old, I'll try some new foods." (In reply to Mommy's question as to when he's going to try something he's never had before, like lasagna.)

Honorable mention: "Lear's my name, and being four is my game."